You’re gonna get all wet and smelly
A carpet and a shoe meet at the doorstep.
Shoe: “Carpet, what are you doing half outside man, you’re gonna get all wet and smelly”
Carpet: “I can’t take it anymore, man. No more. Everybody steps on my head, no one cares, man. No one’s asking ‘hey, how’s carpet doing today’, no. All they care about is alcohol, and food, and smoking, and all kinds of other crap they can spill on my face and laugh, ‘haha! Look at carpet, he’s all messed up, hahaha! He’s got a banana on his eye and a doo-doo mustache, haha!’. My life is terrible, man. Terrible.”
Shoe: “Ahhh… well. Ahm. I just wanted to offer you to get back inside, man, I don’t ahh.. that’s ah.. I mean.. good luck with all THAT, y’know.” (Wipes itself on carpet’s face and steps outside).
Even if they wipe their feet on my face,
if there has to be a carpet in this place,
let it be me;
let it be me.
Nope, changed my mind, F*** them all, I’m setting myself free! Free at last, free at last, free at la –
(and so, carpet dies in a horrible, very sudden accident because a carpet’s life is crap).